If you have a low-sex or no-sex marriage, the most important step is to see a doctor. A low sex drive can be the result of a medical issues (low testosterone, erectile dysfunction, menopause or depression) or it can be a side effect of a medication or treatment. Some scientists speculate that growing use of antidepressants like Prozac and Paxil, which can depress the sex drive, may be contributing to an increase in sexless marriages.
^ Maureen Dowd quoting poet Dorothy Parker (2005). "What's a Modern Girl to Do?". The New York Times. Retrieved 2010-12-08. Sylvia Ann Hewlett, ... in 2002, conducted a survey and found that 55 percent of 35-year-old career women were childless. ... compared with only 19 percent of the men. ... "the rule of thumb seems to be that the more successful the woman, the less likely it is she will find a husband or bear a child. ...
The problem with this trend is that it places an unreasonable burden and strain on the marriage, says Stephanie Coontz, who teaches history and family studies at The Evergreen State College in Olympia, Washington. “We often overload marriage by asking our partner to satisfy more needs than any one individual can possibly meet,” writes Dr. Coontz. “And if our marriage falters, we have few emotional support systems to fall back on.
According to one source, there are four ways that marriage can happen among the Nyangatom people: (1) arranged marriage, when well-respected elders are sent to the girl's family on behalf of the boy's family; (2) courtship or dating after a friendly meeting between boy and girl such as at a market place or holiday where there's dancing; (3) abduction, such as during a blood feud between families; (4) inheritance.
As a dating site, eHarmony has a reputation for being old-fashioned and marriage-oriented, and it likes it that way. “Do you want fast or forever?” one of its TV commercials asks. Like we mentioned, eHarmony and Match.com, are neck and neck for the most marriages, with eHarmony eking out the top spot by 0.7 percentage point. BTW: eHarmony is the most expensive of sites tested.
Some people are afraid to give their partner freedom and independence. This comes from a lack of trust and/or insecurity that if we give our partner too much space, they will discover they don’t want to be with us anymore. Generally, the more uncomfortable we are with our own worthiness in the relationship and to be loved, the more we will try to control the relationship and our partner’s behaviors.
I’d like to take a moment to thank all of the readers who took the time to write something and send it to me. As always, it was humbling to see all of the wisdom and life experience out there. There were many, many, many excellent responses, with kind, heartfelt advice. It was hard to choose the ones that ended up here, and in many cases, I could have put a dozen different quotes that said almost the exact same thing.
The moral here is twofold: first, there’s no one right direction for your relationship to go. Whatever is going to be healthiest and happiest for both people involved is what’s best to do. Secondly, everyone goes through hard times. It’s not the presence of conflict or hardship that determines the workability of a relationship, it’s the commitment and willingness to grow.
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She knows I've been through some traumatic stuff, regarding home intruders when I was a child. My parents had some drug issues and owed someone money and he broke in with a couple other guys. Some scary stuff happened that day to say the least. So... I don't like being surprised by strangers in my living space. Alexis and I actually have a guest policy because of that. Just that we'll ask before bringing guests over. It goes both ways, I ask her too, just to be considerate.
If you’ve known each other for a while, you may assume that your partner has a pretty good idea of what you are thinking and what you need. However, your partner is not a mind-reader. While your partner may have some idea, it is much healthier to express your needs directly to avoid any confusion. Your partner may sense something, but it might not be what you need. What’s more, people change, and what you needed and wanted five years ago, for example, may be very different now. Getting in the habit of expressing your needs helps you weather difficult times, which otherwise may lead to increasing resentment, misunderstanding and anger.
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That old concept and expression "opposites attract" has been batted around for centuries. And in fact, it's very true when it comes to love relationships. Through our research, we have noted that people are usually attracted to their opposite on the Extraversion/Introversion and Judging/Perceiving scales. We are naturally attracted to individuals who are different from ourselves - and therefore somewhat exciting. But it's not just the exciting differences which attract us to our opposites, it is also a natural quest for completion. We naturally are drawn towards individuals who have strengths which we are missing. When two opposites function as a couple, they become a more well-rounded, functioning unit. There is also the theory that our natural attraction to our opposites is a subconscious way of forcing us to deal with the weaker aspects of our own nature. While we are highly attracted to our opposites, two opposites involved in an intimate relationship have significant issues and communication barriers to overcome. So in a sense, our attraction to the opposite personality can be seen as our subconscious minds driving us towards becoming a more complete individual, by causing us to face the areas in life which are most difficult to us.
My experience has been similar to what has been experienced by many on online dating. One thing it can do is help others who or shy or introverted to take a chance and work on your communication or have to the nerve to start a conversation. It think that the marketing of these sites doesn't help as does ones expectations. I have only met a few women online and while it haven't had any success yet, I wouldn't have met them otherwise. From what I have observed is that people met their partner in all kinds of places like at a concert, a party, or other social settings. Sometimes people meet each other in volunteering or taking up courses. I have tried these ways as well, and while I haven't been successful, I have had a lot of fun. Whatever I do here has to at least be enjoyable and fun, because if it isn't, then why bother.
Be sure you have a life of your own, otherwise it is harder to have a life together. What do I mean? Have your own interests, your own friends, your own support network, and your own hobbies. Overlap where you can, but not being identical should give you something to talk about and expose one another to. It helps to expand your horizons as a couple, but isn’t so boring as both living the exact same life.
Don’t be afraid of (respectful) disagreement. Some couples talk things out quietly, while others may raise their voices and passionately disagree. The key in a strong relationship, though, is not to be fearful of conflict. You need to feel safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation, and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, degradation or insisting on being right.
During the interval before marriage, whether it is an arranged or a love marriage, private detectives have been hired to check up on a prospective bride or groom, or to verify claims about a potential spouse made in newspaper advertising, and there are reports that such snooping is increasing. Detectives investigate former amorous relationships and can include fellow college students, former police officers skilled in investigations, and medical workers "with access to health records."
The term "cloaking" was coined by Londoner Rachel Thompson "after a truly terrible dating experience" on Hinge. In a video for Mashable, she describes it as such: "It’s being stood up but, like, extra." That means, along with standing you up for a planned date, they unmatch with you on dating apps (so all the convos you’ve had disappear), and also block you on other apps you’ve communicated on. She likens this practice to donning a Harry Potter invisibility cloak.
Edit: thank you for sharing what you have to say. I really appreciate it. I sent a text saying we need to talk and that I don’t deserve the treatment I’m getting. I’m assuming his phone is off and he’s under heavy influence of who knows what since he’s at a festival but hopefully he gets the message. I’m not sure if text was the right way but it felt like the only thing to do to calm my anxiety.